Blah.

That's about all I have to say for the past couple of days. Blah. I have been in an horrendous amount of pain and on top of that I've been into it with 2 family members. One of them I hate (yes, I know that is a strong word but if you knew the history you'd understand) and one of them has stabbed me in the back for the last time. He says he's sorry, but I'm just not ready to accept it. I need to cool down some more first. I can hold a grudge like no other, so that may be awhile. I've had complete strangers show me more kindness and respect than some of my family. My past (childhood) has been fraught with despair, pain, and most of all loneliness and the 2 aforementioned people (one more than the other) are the cause of most of it. But now that I am a grown up I have decided to take back control of my life. They can't hurt me anymore. But in a way they can, because every time I forgive them, they do something else to make me want to go back to acting like I never knew them. So, one of them (the worst of the 2) is out of my life for good. I will never see nor speak to him again. I am perfectly fine with that. The only reason I was civil at all was for the good of the family as a whole, but I am putting myself first now and he's out for good. I am still so angry and hurt. I hate feeling this way. It's like I've given them the power once again. So, right now I am taking it back. They don't have enough influence over me to upset me anymore.