Heartbreak and Chardonnay

My heart is shattered into a million little pieces right now. I don't know if there's any possibility of it ever being put back together. Hopefully the sedative I just took along with half a bottle of chardonnay will help me forget for the evening at least. I can't believe this is happening again. I am not mentally capable of handling this right now. My health is taking a pretty quick trip down the wrong lane, so I'm not physically able to cope either. I feel like my soul has been ripped in two. What I thought my life was, is no more. I don't know how to be the person he wants me to be. Apparently nothing I do is right and I am a self centered bitch. I definitely do no try to behave that way. As a matter of fact, I try my damdest to do the exact opposite. But, that is neither here nor there now. He says he's really leaving this time. So I just have to cope. Which is not happening for me right now. I'm not speaking or thinking rationally. I think the real deal is I am not worthy of love. Maybe I've done so much wrong in my life and all the terrible things that have and are happening to me is just me getting my comeuppance. I just wish I knew exactly what I did. I have come to the conclusion that I am just unlovable. For whatever reason I don't deserve a family and happiness. I just wish I knew why b/c I am at a loss. So I'm hoping between the wine and the ambien I'll be able to get some rest this evening. My whole world is turned on it's head.