Think Again!

Just when I think I am doing a pretty good job as a parent and a wife, something happens that concretes the fact that exactly the opposite is true. It is definitely not for lack of trying or desire. I do my best and still it's not good enough. I had no idea that a certain person was so very miserable. And I really feel like shit because I didn't know that it was as bad as it apparently is. So, what to do now? How can I make things better? I absolutely do not have the answer to those questions. The incident that sparked all of this has caused me to doubt so many things in such a short period of time. I think the worst pain in the world is to know that a person you love more than life itself is hurting and there's nothing you can do to fix it. So all I can do is cry and silently pray for the answers to be shown to me. My faith in certain things has been shaken to the core. Things I thought would never happen have happened. Things I thought would never be said again have been said. I am hurt and my heart is broken. The really bad thing is that there is no one I can talk to about this. I won't give details that personal in a blog, but I do think writing down how I feel about things is healthy.

All this upset has caused my butterfly rash to make an appearance. Just great. I've been in a flare for a while now, but I haven't had to deal with the rash. Not anymore, I get to look at that everyday in the mirror now. I should be on prednisone right now, but I can't stand what that stuff does to me. Sure, it makes things lovely in the short term, but after a while horrible is the only word I can think of to describe it. I am so tired of crying. I just have to have faith that tomorrow is going to be a better day.