Lupus

I've decided to devote some of my time on this blog to write about what I go through with lupus. I'm hoping it will give me a better idea of what triggers my symptoms and maybe what I can do to manage them better. For now, I am at a loss at what causes these flares. I know stress and sunlight play a major role in my illness. I stay out of the sun as much as possible, but the stress is a different story. I hope this summer to take the water aerobics class, I'm thinking some exercise and some time out of the house may help ease some of the everyday tensions. I've thought about trying out yoga, but am not really comfortable starting something like that on my own with no one to guide me.

Today the pain is at a high point. It hurts to type, but getting these thoughts out of my head seems to help. I have another doctor's appointment the middle of June, maybe I can get some more answers then. I seriously doubt that, however. He is a great doctor, it's not his fault. I believe he does everything he can to make me more comfortable, I'm just to the point now where I think this is as good as it's going to get. At least there have been no hospital stays, so he is doing something right.

It's really hard to accept that the rest of my life is going to be this way. I feel like I've been cheated and my kids have been cheated. I try really hard not to feel sorry for myself, but somedays that is really difficult. I try to think about all the positive things I have. My kids; my family; a great, supportive husband who bends over backwards to make my life easier. The loss of independence is probably the hardest thing to deal with. I wish I could work!! I wish I could drive without causing myself pain. Going to the store is like an olympic event. Some days, just taking a shower and getting dressed is as much as I can manage. Those are all things I have to stop dwelling on. Accept the things I cannot change...has become my mantra.

Well, I started this blog with one intention and it became something different entirely! That's okay though. I think I needed to get all this out of my head. Maybe it will help me move on.